Putting me back together again!

As I deal with putting pieces together, the first one I need to put together is myself. So I went back for the first time,t o the University for Homecoming weekend. I even went t the Breakfast and then did the Parade. Dobbins came up and we hugged and kidded each other. I am sure that many eyes were on us so they can draw their own conclusions. It was fun. Parade was fun. Bill Stacy was in the next entry with the Class of l960. I did not go to the luncheon or to fb game. We are in line for the conference champs.

I was reading an article on web "4 ways to Mend a Family Feud".

1-- Forgive and forget. You have to forget the grudge if you want the family to move on. That is the same as the University family. No one wants to play the game of appeasing one over the other. It is not their struggle.

2 -Make the first move -- I did this in the case of Ken Dobbins, Bill Stacy, and Betty Hearnes. I hope that I was big enough to take that step. Life is uncertain in its length. I can live knowing I had made that move no matter what else. It helps me mentally.

3. Get to the heart of the matter. He says it may take counseling but that is not going to happen in our case. I don't know that I will ever get to the heart of the matter with any of these involved.

4. Time may heal all wounds. Keep trying. Don't give up the first time. Give everyone space and time to find and heal their own wounds. Find your space and live in it.

The Plot Thickens and so do the players

I was up until midnight last night talking with people about this Board of Regents appointment. I finally went to sleep and kept laughing. I can live with getting this or not getting this with no trouble, either way. That is a good place to be. But I have them (Dobbins, Al Spradling, and Bill Holland) in the crosshairs and they cannot win. They can just lose more or lose less.

Bekki Cook emailed me last night and said that Al Spradling called her yesterday morning and wanted her to get in the mix --she said that she was not interested in the position and that she had sent a letter of support in for me. Spradling went on saying that I did not like Dobbins and that they needed someone in the position who would agree more with Dobbins --later she emailed me another email saying that it seemedto be coming from Bill Holland more than Dobbins.

I emailed Sen. Jason Crowell and he said that he would never support Al Spradling for a re-appointment and he knew he would have to get out in January. He has told many people that he would be supporting me and he will do so. Here is the crosshairs: If they get in and mess it up for me, they will have to answer big time to me and to all the people who wrote letters for me. Jason said I could bring Dobbins down in three days. If they get in and I get it, they will have to do a real battle with me on the Board.

Anyway, now that I have the facts that they are messing in the system, their goose is cooked either way. The plot thickens. Just the strategic thing that takes my mind off the family problems. I don't care what happens to these people --they are fodder.

Need more time to ponder what to do, what to do!

I wish I had all the answers today like these smiling pumpkins. I have e-mails from Leigh and from Bailey from Sunday night and I have still not answered them. I have not clarified in my mind what I should say to either one of them. I keep wavering and I want to do what is right in my mind. I do not want to be defensive; neither do I want to act like I was just waiting for them to write and then I would make everything right. That is way too simple. Until I feel good about my answer, I will not write anything.

So, happy birthday Catherine and Emily and enjoy your day profusely! Much love.

Take some time to Grieve -- Donald Miller

Point number 4 is: Take some time to grieve. If there's conflict, it's likely because somebody, or something ( a vision or a desire) has died. Moving on too quickly is not helpful. Give yourself a great deal of time to grieve what has been lost. Giving yourself permission to grieve will stop the voices of condemnation for feeling so weak. Weakness after a loss is part of the healing process, and so it should be associated with strength.

The stages of grief are well known: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Accepptance. There is a real grief, also, when there is a schism in the family especially when it is wildspread. I agree with that. Maybe I have been thru all these and are ready for acceptance. I hope so. The vision has changed for family unity. I want what we used to have -- a feeling that we had something in common/love/acceptance but the truth is, that is gone and probably eased out when Mama died. No one stepped in to fill the void because no one could.

Julia and Velna both were dealing with health problems. Betty was dealing with Warren's early dementia and Lynn' s problems with drugs and money. I was dealing with keeping my head above water in work, always dealing mentally with my divorce; Jim was dealing with his retirement and living in St. Louis. Jennie was dealing with too much booze, Annie's and Allen's problems and her own retirement and resentment of her sisters. Rose Marie had removed herself from any family connection. So no one was left to keep the family together and it kept falling into disrepair, without our recognizing what was happening. We would make temporary band-aid surgeries for Velna's funeral and for Warren and Lynn's funerals but the family never came together in spirit. The closest we came was that Betty, Jim, Betty Ann and I came together but this completely shattered when Betty told me I had to leave her house.

So that is where we are. There was more and more fall out--The altercation between Julia's children and me over Lynn's purse, the birthday party for Joker that Betty and I were not invited to, Betty calling Suzanne to sit on the front row with her at Lynn's funeral, the snub that Julie did to me when I went up to see Betty and her criticism of me, Jim Cooper and Betty Ann the day Betty had her stroke, the continued actions of Annie and her mother which led to involving Bailey, all of these have played a part including the actions of Betty and Julie saying ugly things about Emily. Looking at all this, it makes one think that we cannot get thru this and we cannot without prayer and without forgetting the hurts and moving on because it's the right thing to do.

Grief over a death, divorce or estrangement always means moving on from where we are. People die, and divorce but life continues for those left behind. The best example of people whohave not been drawn into this is Velna's children and they have clung to each other thru it all. Right now, of the siblings, the only person I feel an attachment for is Jim. I know that Jennie and Rose Marie are fine with me. I think Julia would be okay with me but I can't talk to her because of the antics of Joker and she has no time for anything else. Betty is not willing to admit to her problems and she never will be. I have showed, in my mind, that I hold no schism with her. I went to dinner with her and I went to Warren's dedication in Charleston.

I can accept the reality of all of these losses but I don't want to. I want to put the pieces of our lives back together but I don't know how or could not figure out what to do next. My prayer today is that we can find an answer between the four of us to know what to do next and then do it instinctively.

I pulled up the site about grieving and it said, "When people suggeest 'looking on the bright side" or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny those emotions. Then it willl take longer for healing to take place." The article recommends that one have a close circle of friends and family, eating a balanced diet, cutting out alcohol and getting exercise and rest.

I pray for a sense of peace for all the members of the family.

Tommy Sowers vs. Jo Ann Emerson election

Yesterday in all the todoo about the Zonta event, two people came deliberately up to me to say congratulations and to talk: Tommy Sowers and Jo Ann Emerson, both running for State Representative. My table laughed at that uneasy circle. Clint Tracy gave me --and all of the nominees --a citation.

I have trouble not being kind to Jo Ann Emerson and I think we have always hit it off. I can't find that picture of Jo Ann Emerson but I have it on the roll. I say all this to bring me to the role of compassion again. Why is it that I can show compassion to people who don't fill major roles in my life but I am tired of showing compassion to people who are family.

Today I pray for myself, first. I prayed practically all night long that I would be better today. I am so tired of dealing with this infection which, at times, had tried to eat me alive. It has eaten my spirit and I must cast off the old and get back to the new.

My other prayers:

1. Jim's safety as he drives home;

2. My sisters --Betty, Jennie, Rose Marie and Julia and Velna's children

Let them all have good days and feel God's spirit moving within their hearts.

3. Harry -- he is a vegetable but as long as he has breath, I want him to be calm and drift out of this world peacefully when God calls him home;

Along with the prayers, I do believe that prayers lead to action. So I take the words of the Dalai Lama that you should do something kind for someone every day. Today I sent a card to Eunice Hamilton, our cousin, who is in bad shape. Mama's favorite niece. Mama used to say that we "should put feets to our prayers" and have action. I think she was right.....again.

Adam and his birthday

Today is Adam Dyer's birthday and a day that I can well remember. I wanted Bill to be here with me for this but he insisted on going to Japan and he missed it entirely. Somehow, he managed to miss so many important moments of our lives. Focus on the positive and move on. 26 years old today --can't believe it. He has done so well in making the decisions he has made. I'm proud of him! I spend most of my prayer time, praying for him.

I pray for Colin today with his hurt. I pray for Jim Cooper and his safe trip home on Saturday. I pray for my continued feeling better from the infection of this abscessed tooth. Wish we could clean out the pus of hatred and resentment as quickly in our lives and thoughts. We have to work harder on that.

A friend of mine, Marla Dreyer, has had a terrible disease --lungs--stays on breathing machine most of the time--wrote a note to the governor for me yesterday and sent me this quote, "There comes a time in life when you walk away from all the pointless drama and people who create it, and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus on the good. Life is too short to be anything but happy." This just fell into where I am today and comes from someone who has to find her joy outside of her own health. I admire her and love and support the quote. It is the ultimate way of letting go of resentments. With joy, one finds it so much easier to be compassionate.

I love the writer Andrew Murray. He writes" If we truly set ourselves to wait upon God, we shall find that it is with him we are impatient because he does not at once, or as soon as we could wish, do our bidding. It is in waiting upon God that our eyes are opened to believe in his wise and sovereign will, and to see the sooner and the more completely we yield absolutely to it, the more surely his blessings come to us."

Another strange source that I read about compassion was from the Dalai Lama. I was taken with two of his points: Find a way to do something kind for someone every day; and when we encounter someone who mistreats us, instead of acting in anger, withdraw. Later, when you are calm and more detached, reflect on that person who mistreated you and try to imagine what that person could possibly have been going through and what bad things could have happened to him to make him react in such a negative way. Reflect on this, act with compassion and understanding , do it in small doses until you are good at it.

I shall continue to think, today, about compassion. My prayer is that God gives me an insight into, first, why I am so torn by all of this and want to withdraw more than I want to build a cohesive group. That is why I need prayer more than anyone else.

Letters of Support - John Wilder

Yesterday I wrote a mass letter to a bunch of the Alumni Merit Awards and included John Wilder. John Wilder, a Kennett boy, was head of TXU and when he left he was reputed to get a $647 million severance package. I don't know why I sent it but I have always liked him. He overnighted a wonderful letter to the Governor urging him to put me on the Regents. The Governor will be most impressed with his credentials and his input. I was too. I'd like to meet that Jane Stacy he was talking about.

Robert Cox called today and said that the Pikes were sending in letters and it is on Elizabeth Shelton's FB to send letters in. This show of support comes at a time when I needed some show of support. This delights me and the letters are beautiful and personal --most of the time citing something I did for them along the way and that is the greatest gift to me --the fact that I did not remember the deed!

Then Marilynn Bradford from Jefferson City called me (another millionaire) and wants me to go on the Mansion Board in Jefferson City. I agreed to do it if they elected me and that will not go over well with Betty Hearnes if it comes to pass but that is another thing that I cannot worry about. They need someone on the Board to help them raise money; I think I fit that bill. It involves going with the Governor and Mrs. Nixon to ask people for money. I can certainly handle that.

In retrospect, and in my prayer time, I have to wonder if I am being led to reach out to a more positive cloud out there at this time in my life and find my joy and well-being externally at this point in time. Sometimes, we need distance and meditation more than anything else in our life concerns. My prayer today is focused on Susan and her birthday--may she find peace and joy and a laugh that will hit her in the gut--may her hands not shake or tremble and may her eyes not dart in trouble but in a twinkle. May this truly be her day!

I feel better. I have slept nearly all afternoon and have not pushed myself to do anything. Watched the Closer.

Thinking about Compassion "Resentment is an open door for the conflict to win". I must constantly force myself not to resent the treatment that Betty bestowed but seek to feel compassion for her health issues, her loneliness--and her inability to reach out to feel another's pain. I need to stop thinking of what she did and why she did it; it does not matter. I need to think only of who she was and is--and that she is my sister, thru it all. The same is true of all the other people who have caused me pain in the family--I need to seek to see them through the eyes of compassion. Christ looked upon the people and saw their need in his gut! What does Betty need me to do to restore a family tie? I need to be asking, instead of resenting, or drawing away!

Sara just called and she is home. Colin is very upset. His longtime girlfriend just broke up with him and that is so sad for the one who gets the news! Trite phases count for nothing nor would I ever say them. Time is not something that gets much consideration as one deals with the hurt of breakup. I pray for Colin and I pray that he will find a strength in the Lord to meet his needs of the day.

Peace in the Valley

Today Joan Gohn picked Sara and me up and we went to Jer's in Marble Hill to eat and then we went back to Joan's farm so Sara could see her horses. It was so peacefully perfect. You wonder why life can't be peacefully perfect also! But it doesn't seem to be the case for most families.

I am praying for my sisters and brother today and for the Brown girls and for my own children. I want them to see something useful that they can be or see. God did not put us on the earth to be animals without eyesight nor did he put blinders on us so that we would no longer see pain that exists.

I pray for Betty Ann's children--lost their grandfather and life will change for them--already has--they have known loss and emptiness and they need to learn that life will not lame them but it may take more effort to take a step and deal with the story that they are now living.

I am now on Facebook with Denise Simmons and I want to pray for her. She is a part of the family that feels disjointed due to nothing she has done. We have people everywhere in our family who feel like second-class citizens and they should not have to feel that way. They are either family or they or not and if they are, no one has the right to make them feel that way or that they can only go to something when someone else is not planning to attend. I pray for Harry's family and for his soul.

Donald Miller's third point: HAVE COMPASSION. Some people register pain more than others, but resentment is an open door for the conflict to win. Don't resent somebody else's pain, even if you suspect they are playing the victim. Give them what they need for much longer than you might need it yourself.

This one hit me in the face. I thought of the Good Samaritan and the episode in the Bible. I have said often in teaching that I would jump off the first time and do exactly what he did--however, if I saw the same person on the third time, I would say "Hey, you are on your own this time!" I am exceedingly generous but my patience runs out fast so my compassion is limited to people who run with it in the way I want them to run. My compassion has progressed within family circles to the idea that I first am going to protect myself. I do not intend to be a human punching bag for family members. I am alarmed and devastated by the poor examples of mothering I see in and out of the family and I cannot be still. My ideas go over like Mother's Day at the Orphanage and yet, I continue to press on. Is compassion shutting your mouth up and letting people make chaos out of their children's lives or is it continuing to talk what no one wants to hear! Maybe it's the latter and I am not showing compassion. I think that I will try it for awhile and say nothing. That surely was not what I learned from my Mother who stood her ground in the church and at home when she saw mothers not sterilizing their children's bottles or letting them run like crazy through the building. It did not win her a lot of friends but it did not stop her from saying what she thought because she thought that that child had a right to be taught right ways and fed in right ways! Sometimes, I was embarrassed but the end she sought was the right one! Daddy would never have confronted a person so directly!

Okay, so that was compassion--compassion for a child! This is not an easy subject. It has many tenacles as one looks at it. Here are some subjects I think of:

Matthew 9:36 "But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion for them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd."

It comes from the Greek word Splagchnizomai and means literally, "to be moved in the bowel"

or in our vernacular, "to have our gut wrenched."

But it is always, a feeling that produces movement. Christ saw the multitudes and didn't count the house for a numerical figure; he was gut-wrenched to figure out how he could minister to them, physically and spiritually. Compassion--what a word!

I pray for compassion for these family members:

Jamee Shelby --Her heart is so hard. Can she ever be the little girl she used to be again?

Amy Galemore --She is so tired of the Cooper family making her feel she is on the family edge of everything that I pray that she will feel something for somone in the family;

Betty Hearnes -- I do not want her to leave this world with an ugly feeling for everyone she comes in contact with; I want her to want to do something kind for someone again and for her to recognize that all of us have lost something dear to them, not just her! I need to be more compassionate instead of distancing myself from her at a time when she needs more security.

Annie Finnegan -- I am so angry at her for her constant using of other people to get what she wants and her allowing Layne to do what she chooses to do. Parenting is not for sissies and she has opted out of growing up and being a parent. She is so self-centered that it sickens me and I don't know what I can do (or should) do about it.

I need to be more compassionate to my family members. I have lost that in my heart because I have been stomped on so much recently -- in my mind!

Putting pieces together, one by one

Sara is here and we have talked about the blogging and she has read all the entries. Today I pray for:

My sisters and brother --that they can find joy in something simple and laugh aloud;

My nieces, Susan, Catherine and Betty--that they can reach out and share of themselves;

My children, that they can delight in the moment.

We find joy in simple pleasures. Yesterday and today, I thank God for the privilege of Sara being here, safe and sound, and that we went to Sikeston last night to eat at Throwed Rolls with her in-laws and that we were able to talk about some hurtful things;

I thank God that Betty is coming up for a visit today and that Catherine and I had a long talk about things on the phone. We have all these ways of communication and families are further and further apart. Strange.

I am a nominee for Women of Achievement this week at Zonta and the announcement is in the paper. I asked Liz to email it to my family email and she e-mailed it to my extended family email which I would not have done but I have heard from Leigh and Rose Marie both about it and that was good. I also heard from Bryan about it. So mistakes happen and that is a good thing.

Years ago a man --Fred Jennings--wanted to give a scholarship in memory of a student in speech path who helped him overcome a stuttering problem. The girl's name was Loida Farrow Lerew. When I came back, I discovered that Loida was deceased but she had three children, Michael, Tim, and Jenny. I called them and told them about the gift even though they hardly knew anything about Southeast. They were thrilled. Then I went to Los Angeles for a party and they came out to see me and we had a wonderful time. Jenny works at Dreamworks and she wanted to give me a tour. I finally looked her up and sent her an email this morning about Colin who wants an intership there. Wouldn't that be the greatest thing if this worked out!

Patience. Keep adding to the list of people in the family you are praying for. You know who I am praying for. Each one of us have ties that are stronger--like Catherine and Julie--each of us can be something special --the catalyst to someone. Add them to your list and let me know of responses. If you want to add them to the blog list --do so. The time for remembering with anger, spite, or continued hurt is way past being over!

Practicing Patience While Waiting

No one said it would be easy, Mr.Donald Miller. What should I do next while I wait for my prayers to be answered--shall I ponder the floor, pick my zits on my face or look up at the ceiling? Or should I say my prayers and go on with my routine in faith? Maybe a bit of both is required to really have patience.

Today as I think of the Humpty-Dumpty that we are hoping to put together, first in the silence of morning--it's 6:07-- my first cup of coffee, let me begin with my prayers of the day. My mind is now in order since I have been out in the world of the living last night and enjoyed the experience. Now that is a first step!

My prayers:

For Julia, a sense of joy and a sense of peace. Let her have the pleasure of someone's company that she enjoys. Let her hear some gossip that will keep her alive and going.

For Betty, let the music come into her soul and let her want to go to the piano and sing of God's glory. Maybe she will remember whose she is!

For Jennie, let her have a day that allows her to feel good and let's someone remember her in a special way.

For Jim, in Oklahoma, let him feel the joy of being needed and his advice worth seeking.

For Rose Marie, let her remember that she is still a part of a family whether she wants to see them again or not.

So, I have expanded my original group to pray. Funny, that is what prayer often does. If I truly believe in it, I want to share it.

For Betty Ann, Catherine and Susan -- let them feel that they can be the catalysts to a better sense of family by their own bonding and renewal.

For Sara--pray for her safe journey and for Adam's birthday. I express my gratitude for Ad- Man and for coming into my world.

Yes,, Donald Miller, that is part 1 for me. INVITE GOD INTO THE CONFLICT. Now, again, I relinquish all this to God. This is my prayer; nevertheless, thy will be done!

Now on to Humpty Dumpty Part 2: COMMIT TO HAVING PATIENCE. When Jimmy was a little boy, we played a game, "I'm gonna learn to be--hand clap --patient!" He was not a fast learner or a slow one. I hope he learned to be better after he left my parenting. Some days, it is nigh impossible to be patient. We decide after weeks and months of waiting, that nothing is going to happen unless we make it happen! Sometimes we rush in, make some preliminary gestures, and in truth, make an uneasy progress that is sure to fall apart. It does not really change the circumstances at all. Some of the Humpty Dumpty Cooper problems are long-term and stem from things that have been allowed to go unresolved. So long as Momma was alive,there was something to hold us together. When she was gone, there was no common bond and then, and then alone, we had to decide if we wanted to be family or not! The peace was always uneasy, as I remember it! I made my peace by ignoring most of the problems and centering on the fun times--Warren was a big part of staying family centered--he was not a part of the problem with the sisters. Jim remained aloof from us all as did Rose Marie. Gradually so did Jennie. I'm not knocking their decision--it was their decision to make!

My only point --we did not just get into this debacle. It has been long in the making! While we wait, we need to be faithful in the praying. And remember, WE ARE NOT ALONE! Romans 8 says, "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

I just read something that is important to me. "Patience is only needed when there is a reason not to wait" The New Bible Dictionary defines patience as "God given restraint in the face of opposition or oppression." In that case, then, we have a choice of remaining patient or rushing in where angels fear to tread.

There is a purpose in the waiting. Hebrews 12:2 says that waiting on God forces us to look at him. Daddy Cooper used to always say when I was going out on a date, "Remember who you are" and it would go thru me like wildfire. But it was true then and it continues to be true. Maybe it is, Remember WHOSE you are--a preacher's family has gone awry but it can be restored. We believe in regeneration for all -- why not us! We are both worthy and guilty!

And so we wait upon the Lord --together! We have the assurance that where two or three are gathered together, there He will be in the midst of them! We claim that assurance and wait!

Working on Point One - Donald Miller

I heard from Betty Ann this morning and she is with me on this. Humpty Dumpty is an apt name for the endeavor.

Point One is to invite God into the conflict and I have done so by a structured, daily prayer. I don't know about you but I do this in the bathtub and put everything else out of my mind. It does not have to be a check off list-- just a relinquishment list. God, I cannot do anything, I don't know where to turn so I relinquish my cares and concerns to you. That act of faith enables me to have a sprinkling of hope that hearts will melt. Daddy Cooper's favorite verse of song was the third verse of Rescue the Perishing and he would never omit that verse, "Down in the human heart, crushed by the tempter, feelings lie buried that grace can restore, Touched by a loving heart, wakened by kindness, chords that are broken will vibrate once more."

That is a wonderful song of prayer for Humpty Dumpty.

I have prayed for Julia and Betty and Betty Ann and Catherine and Sara. I am praying that Julia will find something that she can laugh about today, that Betty will find something that she can sing about today, that Betty Ann will be able to wrap her mental arms around her children during these sad days losing Emmy, that Catherine will find something in her reading that is worth the reading and searching, that Sara will have a safe trip to Cape Girardeau on Friday. Then I prayed for Susan--that she will feel a confidence within herself and reach deeper.

Point 2 is Commit to Having patience. It's going to get tough and nobody is going to get what they want out of the situation, so settle in and have some patience.

What I think that Miller is trying to say is that things happen on God's timeschedule and we can't put things on a schedule and call up God. Gideon tried that with the fleece method and it worked for him several times. But we are not Gideon; I do have a Gideon bible but that is as far as it goes.

Patience is hard to sell. We are attuned to the Proverb, "All good things come to them who wait" but, in some of our family situations, as we have learned in pain, sometimes time runs out and there is no way to change anything then. Time heals a lot of things but it does not heal the wish that we had done this or that while we had a chance.

I leave the blog today with a quote from Ralph Marston, "The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen."

Donald Miller --Surviving Conflict

Today I received a blog from Donald Miller -- Catherine got me started on him and I like what I read--getting his blog every day. There was one yesterday on keys for a team to survive conflict and I wondered if our family could ever be put back to one piece. It is a shambles and such a terrible legacy for us to live for Mama Cooper.

He gives us points to do.

No. l -- Invite God into the conflict. Structured, daily prayer will give people a sense of hope. Bring God into the conflict and trust that He is there with you.

Here is what I have done: I have called up the basic beliefs and I still believe every one of them. God is one God, Christ is part of the Holy Trinity, the Bible is the Revelation of God. Christ was born of Mary --he died and rose from the dead. I believe in the everlasting life. I trust that he is a personal God (immanent) as well as a God of everything (transcendent).

Do I think that God is with me? yes Do I think that God cares about this situation? yes

So I have invited Betty Ann, Catherine and Sara into the No. l and asked them to join with me in a structured daily prayer and blog. Call upon his name and ask him to bless us as a family with healing.

My special prayers:

Julia and her health-physical and mental; Joker is killing her with his dementia and she cannot think that this is the way Mama intended it to be; Harry is dying and she will have to cope with this.

Betty and her health--physical and mental; She has lost Warren and Lynn and somewhere in her psyche I know that she is wandering around lost because she cannot cope with trying to patch things up with her sisters, Rose Marie, me and Jennie. It is easier for her to pull further away than it is to reach out.

I will pray for Betty Ann and her children as they deal with Emmy's death, for Catherine as she finds "her" road and for Sara as she deals with empty nest and the death of her friend, Todd.

Rule 2. Commit to having patience. It's going to get tough and nobody is going to get what they want out of the situation, so settle in and have some patience.

think about Rule 2 in your specific situation. Commit to having patience but don't commit to giving up entirely and saying that nothing will ever change. It has to change or we have to admit that God is not capable of dealing with the Cooper family but he can make the world!

I invite God into the conflict.